It's been a long while since I updated this. And a lot has happened in my journey of training and improving in practicing God's presence so that one day I'll be able to effortlessly be aware of God's presence every minute of my awake hours, whether it be eating meals with friends, reading textbooks, giving a speech in front of others, at a wedding, reading books, or writing a paper.
By God's grace, I have been improving more and more every month overall. I seriously cannot remember the last time that I forgot to commune with God's presence for an hour. Perhaps it has been over a year since I had an hour that was free of God's presence. God is good.
*edit, upon more extended reflection, I recognize that it would probably be more accurate to say that around 95% of my awake hours I am aware of God's presence at least once. Although I do find it very hard to recall a specific awake hour where I forgot about God's presence, they probably do happen from time to time.*
God's presence is actually becoming more and more desirable too. Because frankly speaking, there were moments at the beginning of this journey where I honestly didn't desire God's presence and that it would "get in the way" of whatever I was doing (watching TV, socializing, reading etc.). But now God's presence is becoming more and more desirable, not only so that I am aware of his presence more often throughout the day, but that I feel like something's missing when I don't remember. It feels like I'm "spiritually naked" without the clothing of God's presence in my consciousness.
But there has been one major surprise throughout this whole journey in addition to my improvement in the percentage of minutes throughout the day that I remember to practice God's presence. I have actually started to develop a level of intimacy with God where I am actually receiving very specific messages from God about things, myself, others, the future etc. It is insane. I can say that 8 months ago, I would have never dreamed of experiencing this with God. I realize that it is a gift, and that I have to cultivate it and sharpen it. So the process of sharpening it has given me the feeling of X-men first-class training music.
I say once again, that before, I never would have dreamed of experiencing this at least on a regular basis with God. I mean, I didn't doubt that there were some very privileged few individuals who for some reason heard God say to them very specific things regularly. But I thought that those were a select privileged few, and that "that was just how God spoke to them", but not to me. I grew up Baptist. I thought that God would only speak to me through letter of the Scriptures or through wise advice from wise counsel from wise friends. And if I felt some vague desire to do something for God and it didn't contradict the Scriptures, then that emotional impression may have been from God. But that was pretty much it. And since it was very seldom where I received specific messages from God, I thought that this was pretty much going to be how I were to interact with God for the majority of the rest of my life on earth with some rare exceptional moments once every few years or so.
Now, things have changed. Starting spring of this year, God has started to speak to me through my dreams. And starting early September of this year, God has been telling me very specific messages about myself and others during my awake hours! And I'm not talking about me just reminding myself of Orthodox Christian doctrine in my mind. That stuff is general. True, but general. I'm talking about specific specific. Unbelievable for a Baptist!
I'll give some examples of some cool stories that have happened within the past few months. I can't share all the stories for reasons of confidentiality for others' personal stuff. But I can share some. Also, the reason why I think God is giving me these messages about others is because he wants me to encourage others specifically and pray for them specifically as well. My reasoning for this is that the stuff that I (and others) have gotten has been really specific many times, and many (not all, but most) of the times the message was accurate and true about the person's life. So it definitely isn't just my "own reasoning" based off of the subconscious reading of the recipient of the messages. So it has to be from some spiritual being/source. And I think that if it is in line with teachings/principles of Scripture, and others feel encouraged/edified, then I see no reason why the devil would want to give me those messages so that I could encourage and pray for them in Christ in a specific manner. If others are encouraged and prayed for with regards to pursuing intimacy with God and spiritual fruit comes out from it and the message is in line with Scriptures, then I think that it's a message from God.
Also, some of these examples are incidences where I was the recipient of these specific messages.
So without further adieu, here are some random examples of God giving a friend or myself some specific messages this semester:
1) During the middle of the semester, for a couple of days I was really, I mean REALLY identifying with Abraham of the Old Testament. Specifically how he got specific promises from God that were huge, but for a long time he didn't see any evidence of them being fulfilled and just had to continue believing in faith. I felt the same way with God giving me specific huge promises in the past through multiple prophets who didn't know each other but who nevertheless independently prophesied consistent/matching things about the same promises of God to me.
So my friend Bobby and I were trying to sit still and listen to the voice of God for any messages the Holy Spirit had for us to encourage/edify each other with. So we sat in silence. Then all of a sudden, Bobby says "gUmmI, you're like Abraham." And elaborates on how I relate to Abraham and the promises given to him by God! I didn't tell Bobby anything about how I was totally relating to Abraham the last few days! Crazy! Bobby said that since it came coming back to his heart/mind multiple times, he felt he just had to say it to me. wow.
2) So I was in one of my classes at Tyndale in the beginning where there were a few minutes before the professor started lecturing and people had time to just relax/unwind/chat etc. I sat beside a person who I've only talked to very briefly once before (I knew absolutely nothing about his personal life). I figured I might as well just listen to God and ask God if he had any message for this guy beside me. So I sit in silence and try to listen to the voice of God. Then, I hear in my inner hear "this guy's struggling". So I'm like, okay... everyone's struggling with something. Could you be a little more specific God? "This guy's feeling a lot of pressure from school." I'm like.. that's pretty specific. Is that really from you God?
So I figured I might as well ask him in a non-sketchy way to test it out. So I asked him seemingly out of the blue, "are you feeling a lot of pressure from school?". You should have seen his eyes light up in an instant, along with his his mouth give an emphatic "*pfff* Yea!". In my mind I was like holy crap! Then I told him that I thought God told me that, and then I offered to pray for him and he let me pray for him.
3) So one day I got my haircut and because the barber's tools weren't clean, the back of my head got a small infection/inflammation where the skin inflated just a little. It was very minor, but there nonetheless. But I was hoping that it didn't turn into something bigger, so I asked some brothers to lay hands on me and pray for me. They did. Then afterwards, I don't know how to fully describe it, I felt some sort of "holy presence"/metaphorical "light" at the back of my head in that area. It coincided with a gradual healing. Hard to describe, but I felt it there nonetheless.
So then a couple days later, I was with a friend of mine doing a listening to the voice of God experiment and after a few minutes of quietness, he says to me "I'm getting an image of a light at the back of your head". it was in the exact place where there was the infection/inflammation and the "holy light" after the healing prayer. I didn't tell him jack about this post-haircut infection! Crazy!
4) So one day several of my friends (maybe 8 or so) are in a prayer meeting where we're praying for each others' churches. The catch was that we didn't tell each other what the prayer requests for our churches were. I challenged each of us to spend 3-4 minutes in quietness/stillness and listen to the Holy Spirit and what He had to say to the church. So, I write what I think I got for each churches. Pretty much for almost all of them I knew absolutely nothing about their churches. Jack. So I get to one of my friend's churches, and when I listen to the voice of God, all of a sudden I hear "This church is being bread and light to the community. I am so pleased that they are making such a huge impact in their community and I want them to keep up the good work in their community." Although I didn't know anything about the church, since I thought I heard that from God I wrote it down.
At the end when some of us shared what was written down for our churches, the friend of that church that I got this message for said that their church was actually really involved in the community! She said that they were helping out with operation christmas child, helping out with renovating the foodbank building, and even helping blind people play tennis!
5) So me and 2 other sisters were listening to God together to see what he would say to us through each other. When it came to one of the girls, I thought God told me that "She has a passion for children, and she's going to shepherd the children and raise them up in the way of Christ". Now, I don't know this girl that well, and as far as I know, she's never told me that she had a passion for children. I had absolutely no idea. So I asked her in faith "do you have a passion for children?" She said "yes" (turns out that this passion only started about 2 years ago). And so I told her what I heard from God to encourage her.
It has been a thrilling journey. I never knew this would be possible at least to this degree a year ago. These examples listed have just been a sample of what now goes on on a weekly basis in my life now. Amazing.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
"NDP 34%"
"NDP 34%"
God? What did you mean by that last night? The thought sure came from you and not from me.
God? What did you mean by that last night? The thought sure came from you and not from me.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
existential distinction between the presence of different members of the Trinity
This may sound controversial, as a lot of things written in this blog, but I guess I'll just say it.
I think I'm growing in the discipline of practicing the presence of God up to the point where I think I can existentially distinguish the between the presence of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit in my consciousness! Of course I knew all the fundamental doctrines of the Trinity, all 3 members being God, all being distinct in personality, yet all having the divine traits in the one substance of God. But for a lot of my life, this theology was all abstract to me. And during this journey of the Game with Minutes, I'm actually learning to rectify the centuries-old mistake of protestants of separating theological understanding with personal spiritual experience. That's why I like a lot of the medieval Catholic writers, to a lot of them, like Madame Guyon and St. Teresa of Avlia, when they write, they don't separate theological doctrine from their personal experience on their spiritual journey. To use a modern analogy, they don't research decades on a prospective romantic partner's background while they spending very little time dating him/her. They "date" and learn about that partner at the same time. Not the best analogy, but that's how it is with a lot of these Catholic mystics.
Anyways, all that to say, I think within my consciousness, I am learning to practically distinguish between directly interacting with the Holy Spirit, Jesus, and the Father. It's kind of cool too, rather than just vaguely knowing that all 3 of them are God and ambiguously communicating to "all 3 of them at the same time and somehow it works out".
Once again, this is extremely hard to describe as to what it actually feels like, so forgive me if I have to resort to using analogies. First of all, the presence of God has been becoming more and more real to me. Picture someone who has lived indoor all their lives and was born blind. Then picture this person constantly being told what the sun is like. The various characteristics of it, how it heats you up if you're in it's presence, how it's so bright it can make you go blind if you look at it directly for an extended period of time, how it helps your body produce vitamin D if you're exposed to it, how you can get a suntan if you're exposed to it for a long period of time. Then, picture this person finally walking out one day when he's 25 years old into the outdoor beach on a bright sunny day. He's still blind, he still can't see the sun. But something in his educated intuition feels like he's being exposed directly in the presence of it. He feels like he's being warmed up by it's heat. He feels like it's "brighter" even though he's blind and can't see properly. His friends tell him after he's been in the sun for a while that they can see a suntan on his skin. He KNOWS that he's directly in the presence of the sun even though he can't prove directly, or can't see it directly. But he knows it's there. That's how it's been with me and God's presence metaphorically.
And now, with the distinction of the different members of the Trinity in my consciousness. Picture a blind alien who has never been to planet earth before. Picture this blind alien who has never been exposed to H20 (aka water) before. But this blind alien has heard about it, all its properties, its effects, its possible states (liquid, solid [ice], gas). But one day, this blind alien gets transported to earth, and he begins to feel with his 4 senses the difference between water in liquid form, solid form, and gas form. Although he can't see the difference of these forms in his eyes, he nevertheless knows that it's all H20 and can sense the difference. That is a little like how it feels right now.
And it's pretty cool man, to be able to experience the subjective textures of first-person consciousness in interacting with different members of the Trinity. They really are distinct persons of a holy community that interact with each other, and are not clones of each other, or divine siamese triplets or something. Of course we might know this in our head. But experiencing it is a whole new universe.
I think I'm growing in the discipline of practicing the presence of God up to the point where I think I can existentially distinguish the between the presence of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit in my consciousness! Of course I knew all the fundamental doctrines of the Trinity, all 3 members being God, all being distinct in personality, yet all having the divine traits in the one substance of God. But for a lot of my life, this theology was all abstract to me. And during this journey of the Game with Minutes, I'm actually learning to rectify the centuries-old mistake of protestants of separating theological understanding with personal spiritual experience. That's why I like a lot of the medieval Catholic writers, to a lot of them, like Madame Guyon and St. Teresa of Avlia, when they write, they don't separate theological doctrine from their personal experience on their spiritual journey. To use a modern analogy, they don't research decades on a prospective romantic partner's background while they spending very little time dating him/her. They "date" and learn about that partner at the same time. Not the best analogy, but that's how it is with a lot of these Catholic mystics.
Anyways, all that to say, I think within my consciousness, I am learning to practically distinguish between directly interacting with the Holy Spirit, Jesus, and the Father. It's kind of cool too, rather than just vaguely knowing that all 3 of them are God and ambiguously communicating to "all 3 of them at the same time and somehow it works out".
Once again, this is extremely hard to describe as to what it actually feels like, so forgive me if I have to resort to using analogies. First of all, the presence of God has been becoming more and more real to me. Picture someone who has lived indoor all their lives and was born blind. Then picture this person constantly being told what the sun is like. The various characteristics of it, how it heats you up if you're in it's presence, how it's so bright it can make you go blind if you look at it directly for an extended period of time, how it helps your body produce vitamin D if you're exposed to it, how you can get a suntan if you're exposed to it for a long period of time. Then, picture this person finally walking out one day when he's 25 years old into the outdoor beach on a bright sunny day. He's still blind, he still can't see the sun. But something in his educated intuition feels like he's being exposed directly in the presence of it. He feels like he's being warmed up by it's heat. He feels like it's "brighter" even though he's blind and can't see properly. His friends tell him after he's been in the sun for a while that they can see a suntan on his skin. He KNOWS that he's directly in the presence of the sun even though he can't prove directly, or can't see it directly. But he knows it's there. That's how it's been with me and God's presence metaphorically.
And now, with the distinction of the different members of the Trinity in my consciousness. Picture a blind alien who has never been to planet earth before. Picture this blind alien who has never been exposed to H20 (aka water) before. But this blind alien has heard about it, all its properties, its effects, its possible states (liquid, solid [ice], gas). But one day, this blind alien gets transported to earth, and he begins to feel with his 4 senses the difference between water in liquid form, solid form, and gas form. Although he can't see the difference of these forms in his eyes, he nevertheless knows that it's all H20 and can sense the difference. That is a little like how it feels right now.
And it's pretty cool man, to be able to experience the subjective textures of first-person consciousness in interacting with different members of the Trinity. They really are distinct persons of a holy community that interact with each other, and are not clones of each other, or divine siamese triplets or something. Of course we might know this in our head. But experiencing it is a whole new universe.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Happy 2nd year anniversary!
I distinctly remember exactly two years ago, when I first read the document "The Game with Minutes" by Frank Laubach and was so caught up with the passion/inspiration/vision to dedicate my life towards playing it. Call it a whim, call it juvenile idealism, call it sudden fanatical zeal or whatever you want to call it, I decided to count the cost, persevere, and engage in the journey of attempting to practice God's presence every single minute of my life.
After two years, I have no regrets at all for doing so. Yes, times in the journey have been hard, but there have been insights, revelations, changes in character, experiencing deeper dimensions of reality, resonating with the experiences of the new testament writers on a whole new level just to name a few of the outcomes of this experiment.
There's highs and lows in every life. No doubt about it. Whether it's a non-Christian's life, a lukewarm"Christian"'s life, or a die-hard disciple's life, all lives will have highs and lows. What's the difference then? I would argue the difference would be the depth of the lives. I would have to say that playing this game with minutes for two years has allowed me to enter into a deeper dimension of reality, another "world" so to speak. Not to evade this one, but to live through another world to influence and make effects on this one. It is like the difference between a "2D story" that has highs and lows (a cartoon movies in the 50s, let's say) and an Imax 3D-surround sound story that has highs and lows. There are just deeper dimensions that make the story all the more rich. Just like how a cat cannot understand the "world" of arithmetic or poetry, I believe the person who does not have a grasp on how to practice the presence of God cannot grasp the spiritual dimension of the Kingdom of God in a really tangible manner.
Right now, the best analogy I can use to describe these "two worlds" or "two dimensions of reality" is the Matrix trilogy. I think in the New Testament (and also parts of the Old, like the stories of Elijah and Elisha to name a couple of examples) we see a consistent theme of the die-hard disciples of Jesus "standing in another world and while standing there, having extraordinary effects on this one" in the words of Dallas Willard. It is exactly like the Matrix. Neo, Morpheus, Trinity and others who have "plugged" into the deeper reality of the Matrix by taking the red pill, have extraodinary effects on the "normal" world by being plugged in and operating in a deeper level of existence. For the Christian, this "deeper reality" that has effects on the "normal reality" is the Kingdom of God. With this framework, the Gospels and the book of Acts make a lot more sense and are seen in a whole different light!
"Unfortunately no one can be told what the Matrix is, you have to see it for yourself" - Morpheus
When I took the "red pill" of playing the Game with Minutes, I began to experience the "matrix" of the Kingdom of God in deeper ways than ever before two years ago.
The cool thing is, this journey tends to evolve. Just like how the storyline of Matrix evolves into its sequel Matrix reloaded, after the first "chapter" of my journey into the Matrix of the Kingdom of God a year and a half ago, I feel like a journeyer journeying into the original movie's sequel right now.
The first chapter that spanned a year and a half (lasting roughly until October 2010), revolved around me stepping into this new world/reality. After initially stepping into it, I realized weird things like never before. How certain things seemed to "defy" laws, and wondered how they did that, and just like how Neo had to be trained through Morpheus how to "fight with Kung fu" in the realm of the matrix, I felt that I had training on how to "fight with Kung fu" in the realm of the Matrix of the Kingdom of God, that had extraordinary effects on my physical behaviour in the "normal world" (by the way, I think this is the kind of character change Jesus was talking about by seeing "fruit" of righteousness as a by-product rather than aiming for it directly in the "normal world" absent of the Matrix of the Kingdom of God). So I discovered "agents" in this realm, which I could not overcome before. Afterr some training (although I am still far from perfect), I have learned to fight back, sometimes victorious through grace, sometimes failing. But regardless, I have learned somewhat how to walk, run, jump, kick, punch, do flips in this Matrix of the Kingdom of God. End of chapter 1.
Enter chapter 2 aka Matrix Reloaded. It all started with Andrew introducing me to the charismatics at Lifesprings church. Growing up Baptist, I had no exposure to prophetic stuff. But these guys are so epic in the Spirit! In Matrix Reloaded, Neo and others were on an adventure in pursuing a journey through following people who resembled people who have prophetic giftings in the Holy Spirit. Neo first sees "the seraph", then "the oracle", then "the keymaker", then "the architect". They edify, provide direction, open pathways that could not be opened without them, ask neo deep questions, challenging his secret struggles in his heart, and provide the "next step" for Neo's journey in "saving the world in the realm of the Matrix". This is exactly the "new stuff" that has been happening with me in this journey through the Matrix of the Kingdom of God. These prophetic brothers and sisters have been edifying me, confirming things in my heart, challenging me with secret struggles in my heart, providing mystical guidance, and helping me with the "next step" in redeeming Toronto not through the physical realm, but through the realm of the Matrix of the Kingdom of God. It's been nothing short of an RPG game. I feel like I don't even have to be addicted to drama shows, or RPG video games anymore. I'm in one.
What will happen next? Who knows.
Either way, I have no regrets at all taking the red pill, and wouldn't give it up for 5 million bucks (if I had it). Who knew that the Matrix of the Kingdom of God wasn't only available to the New Testament church/first couple centuries after that, but that it would be equally available to die-hard disciples of Jesus 2 millenia later?
“Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again. ” - John 3:3
"Once, on being asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, Jesus replied, “The coming of the kingdom of God is not something that can be observed, nor will people say, ‘Here it is,’ or ‘There it is,’ because the kingdom of God is in your midst.” - John 17:20-21
"For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit" -Romans 14:17
The Kingdom of God is so like the Matrix as well as Matrix Reloaded.
After two years, I have no regrets at all for doing so. Yes, times in the journey have been hard, but there have been insights, revelations, changes in character, experiencing deeper dimensions of reality, resonating with the experiences of the new testament writers on a whole new level just to name a few of the outcomes of this experiment.
There's highs and lows in every life. No doubt about it. Whether it's a non-Christian's life, a lukewarm"Christian"'s life, or a die-hard disciple's life, all lives will have highs and lows. What's the difference then? I would argue the difference would be the depth of the lives. I would have to say that playing this game with minutes for two years has allowed me to enter into a deeper dimension of reality, another "world" so to speak. Not to evade this one, but to live through another world to influence and make effects on this one. It is like the difference between a "2D story" that has highs and lows (a cartoon movies in the 50s, let's say) and an Imax 3D-surround sound story that has highs and lows. There are just deeper dimensions that make the story all the more rich. Just like how a cat cannot understand the "world" of arithmetic or poetry, I believe the person who does not have a grasp on how to practice the presence of God cannot grasp the spiritual dimension of the Kingdom of God in a really tangible manner.
Right now, the best analogy I can use to describe these "two worlds" or "two dimensions of reality" is the Matrix trilogy. I think in the New Testament (and also parts of the Old, like the stories of Elijah and Elisha to name a couple of examples) we see a consistent theme of the die-hard disciples of Jesus "standing in another world and while standing there, having extraordinary effects on this one" in the words of Dallas Willard. It is exactly like the Matrix. Neo, Morpheus, Trinity and others who have "plugged" into the deeper reality of the Matrix by taking the red pill, have extraodinary effects on the "normal" world by being plugged in and operating in a deeper level of existence. For the Christian, this "deeper reality" that has effects on the "normal reality" is the Kingdom of God. With this framework, the Gospels and the book of Acts make a lot more sense and are seen in a whole different light!
"Unfortunately no one can be told what the Matrix is, you have to see it for yourself" - Morpheus
When I took the "red pill" of playing the Game with Minutes, I began to experience the "matrix" of the Kingdom of God in deeper ways than ever before two years ago.
The cool thing is, this journey tends to evolve. Just like how the storyline of Matrix evolves into its sequel Matrix reloaded, after the first "chapter" of my journey into the Matrix of the Kingdom of God a year and a half ago, I feel like a journeyer journeying into the original movie's sequel right now.
The first chapter that spanned a year and a half (lasting roughly until October 2010), revolved around me stepping into this new world/reality. After initially stepping into it, I realized weird things like never before. How certain things seemed to "defy" laws, and wondered how they did that, and just like how Neo had to be trained through Morpheus how to "fight with Kung fu" in the realm of the matrix, I felt that I had training on how to "fight with Kung fu" in the realm of the Matrix of the Kingdom of God, that had extraordinary effects on my physical behaviour in the "normal world" (by the way, I think this is the kind of character change Jesus was talking about by seeing "fruit" of righteousness as a by-product rather than aiming for it directly in the "normal world" absent of the Matrix of the Kingdom of God). So I discovered "agents" in this realm, which I could not overcome before. Afterr some training (although I am still far from perfect), I have learned to fight back, sometimes victorious through grace, sometimes failing. But regardless, I have learned somewhat how to walk, run, jump, kick, punch, do flips in this Matrix of the Kingdom of God. End of chapter 1.
Enter chapter 2 aka Matrix Reloaded. It all started with Andrew introducing me to the charismatics at Lifesprings church. Growing up Baptist, I had no exposure to prophetic stuff. But these guys are so epic in the Spirit! In Matrix Reloaded, Neo and others were on an adventure in pursuing a journey through following people who resembled people who have prophetic giftings in the Holy Spirit. Neo first sees "the seraph", then "the oracle", then "the keymaker", then "the architect". They edify, provide direction, open pathways that could not be opened without them, ask neo deep questions, challenging his secret struggles in his heart, and provide the "next step" for Neo's journey in "saving the world in the realm of the Matrix". This is exactly the "new stuff" that has been happening with me in this journey through the Matrix of the Kingdom of God. These prophetic brothers and sisters have been edifying me, confirming things in my heart, challenging me with secret struggles in my heart, providing mystical guidance, and helping me with the "next step" in redeeming Toronto not through the physical realm, but through the realm of the Matrix of the Kingdom of God. It's been nothing short of an RPG game. I feel like I don't even have to be addicted to drama shows, or RPG video games anymore. I'm in one.
What will happen next? Who knows.
Either way, I have no regrets at all taking the red pill, and wouldn't give it up for 5 million bucks (if I had it). Who knew that the Matrix of the Kingdom of God wasn't only available to the New Testament church/first couple centuries after that, but that it would be equally available to die-hard disciples of Jesus 2 millenia later?
“Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again. ” - John 3:3
"Once, on being asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, Jesus replied, “The coming of the kingdom of God is not something that can be observed, nor will people say, ‘Here it is,’ or ‘There it is,’ because the kingdom of God is in your midst.” - John 17:20-21
"For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit" -Romans 14:17
The Kingdom of God is so like the Matrix as well as Matrix Reloaded.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
