Ever since I was young, I had a problem controlling my laughter when it was inappropriate to continue laughing hysterically. Not uncommonly, I'd be in a relatively formal meeting (e.g. committee meeting, emotional sharing, in a class) and something would trigger my laughter and I'd just die due to hysterical/uncontrollable laughter to the point of aching abs and teary eyes. It would be so embarrassing sometimes because I really wanted to stop, and all the others in the setting would look at me, some amused, some shocked, some frustrated, and hope that I would get my act together after a few seconds so that whatever serious social functions at hand could kindly continue their course. Their hope was for the most part disappointed as I would earnestly try to stop laughing, yet inevitably fail because I found something just so friggin funny. I would be successful for 2 seconds, then the laughter would just continue gorging itself out of my mouth and I would just frustratingly fail to suppress my laughter.
Yesterday, something interesting happened that incidentally was somewhat of an indicator that I have progressed deeper into the spiritual realm in Christ.
So what happened was that I was in Sunday School and I subjectively found something really funny (with the exception of a friend, no one else in the room found it funny). So, what typically happens in a situation like this with me is that I would just helplessly try my best to unsuccessfully suppress my laughter while the rest of the people beside me would just have to suck it up and bear this disease of mine. I started to laugh and try to control my external expressions of laughter to avoid disrupting the class. No use.
Then, all of a sudden a thought came into my head something along the lines of this:
"you have tried to "plug" this laughter at the relatively shallow surface of behaviour modification. Why don't you try to "plug" it at an even deeper level of your consciousness, the levels that you've reached through all these months of practising God's presence?"
Let me temporarily go off on a tangent and attempt to explain the background of that thought.
So after almost 21 months of trying to play the Game with Minutes, with the grace of the Holy Spirit combined with strenuous effort, I have, I feel, successfully learned and have been able to descend into deeper layers of my consciousness. I used to only be able to access my immediate thoughts/emotions before playing this game. Now, dare I say, I can access stuff that's deeper, such as my will (my volition, my faculty of decision making). This is the dimension of my humanity that Jesus was referring to when he was in the garden of Gethsemane and prayed to his father "not my will but let yours be done". This is a deeper layer of consciousness than Jesus' immediate thoughts and feelings.
This is extremely hard to explain to someone else on second hand terms. Basically because if someone's never experienced this dimension of their consciousness, they have absolutely nothing to relate to when an explanation is given to them to attempt to help them vicariously comprehend the nature of this unchartered territory of their consciousness. I mean, I only started to be able to consciously access this layer of my consciousness about 10 months after I played the Game with Minutes. Anyways, all I'm trying to say is that I am able to access a deeper level of consciousness that the average human being cannot (or isn't even aware of) and of which I could not access a year ago.
When I access this level of consciousness (or remember to, because a lot of the times I forget to), I existentially tell my will to submit to God's will. I have to say that this is different, although interconnected with act of disciplining my thoughts. And it is not just a one time thing. It is a dynamic, organic, ongoing thing that has to be done every minute (ideally that is. I am so far from this state, I figure it might take 9 more years for me to master it, maybe more).
So back to what happened yesterday during sunday school. After that thought came into my mind, I attempted to try to work on the level of "will" to change my will against "laughing hysterically when socially inappropriate to do so". Guess what? The hysterical laughter just extinguished. In a fraction of a second. Much like using a fire extinguisher on a fire. No gradual elimination, nor back-and-forth struggle. Just pure/permanent-like rapid extinction. I've never experienced something like that before in terms of controlling laughter when I wanted to.
I guess the incident showed me just how much direct/practical value in my daily life this Game with Minutes has in playing it.
That incident acted somewhat like a "spiritual barometer" to use an immediate situation to measure my practical mystical progress in Christ. I can control my hysterical laughter when I'm called to now! Although of course sometimes it's okay to laugh hysterically haha
Monday, December 13, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
a divine conspiracy is going on
For the past two months or so, I sense something of a "divine conspiracy" going on as a result of attempting to play this game with minutes.
It is weird. Yet not that weird, since we see a "divine conspiracy" going on in the book of Acts. That is, for the Jesus-follower (by that I mean someone who has practically made it their #1 goal in life to become an apprentice of Jesus) the miraculous should be normative.
Frank Laubach, when he played this game, he noticed that God was "melting away obstacles" and making the road before him ever so smooth.
I am experiencing something similar. It feels something analogous to Magneto from X-men walking on a metal path, having pieces of metal fly a few feet right in front of his feet to continually extend his path as he walks.
As I trace how God has specifically "engineered" this path of mine in the past two years, especially the past two months, I can't help but to feel that although the odds seem stacked against the soldiers of Christ, the deck of cards is rigged, so that when Christ the dealer deals the cards, it seems almost obvious that there is order and a design/plan in the midst of seeming chaos, just like a piece of jazz music which is a piece of harmonious chaos. It seems that someone has "monkeyed" with how things unfolded. Something, or Someone is behind the scenes invisibly manipulating things in front of the curtain.
I am reading a book called "Kingdom Triangle" by J.P. Moreland now. In it, his main thesis is that the early church miraculously expanded (against all odds) through 3 main reasons on the part of the responsibility of Christians. They follow as:
1) They had a thoughtful Christian mind that defended legitimate knowledge of God (and not just "blind faith") and they articulated this stuff (what we'd call "Christian worldview" nowadays) to non-Christians in a respectful yet persuasive manner.
2) They engaged in spiritual formation to Christlikeness to actually produce no-nonsense Christlikeness through die-hard discipleship.
3) They acted out of expectation for the miraculous supernatural acts of the Holy Spirit (stuff in line with the stuff we see in Acts).
J.P. Moreland says that all over the world right now, Christianity is growing at rapid/unprecedented rates. Unfortunately, North America seems to be an exception to this trend. He believes that the Church of Jesus needs to revive all 3 points of the "Kingdom Triangle" to bring out revival to the Church in North America. I find myself strongly agreeing with Moreland on this one (let alone a lot of other things. I really respect this guy).
One of the ways that I feel God has arranged things to help equip me to help bring out city-wide revival to Toronto is to be equipped in multiple facets of the Christian life and to be balanced in growth. Balanced growth in multiple dimensions of Christlikeness is a big thing for me now. I don't want to neglect any significant aspect of Christlikeness in my walk with God.
So, with respect to the Kingdom Triangle, I feel that in all my 5 years of undergrad in Toronto, I really focused on establishing a solid Christian worldview and was equipped in defending it against secularism/atheism. However, I wasn't really that hot on spiritual formation. Come these past two years on East Asia STINT. I REALLY grew a ton in spiritual formation. I still have a lot to learn, but I feel that I have steady ground for my feet to advance on.
As for the 3rd point of the triangle, I feel that I am relatively weak with respect to Charismatic gifts and powers of the Holy Spirit. This is partially due to me being a Baptist where this stuff is hardly ever practiced. I don't fully blame the denomination. I mean there are some grounds to be cautious on the abuses of Charismatic gifts as well as distortions of weird theology on it. However, I think it is wrong for people like myself to think just because it has been misused and abused, that it can't bring out significant advances for the Kingdom if used properly. Afterall, if one just reads 1 Corinthians 14, one cannot deny that Paul was very "charismatic" without any apology. I hear things about how the charismatic/pentecostal denominations helped bring about some revivals in the 20th century. I can sort of see why. These guys have passion. They have fuel. They got zeal. The body of Christ needs its adrenaline (with balanced proportion).
Come the last few weeks. Within the last few weeks, I have started to attend this charismatic church called lifesprings. Their theology seems pretty sound, I haven't head any heresy or anything, and Andrew Tam recommended it, and I trust Andrew. I have really started to get exposed to this charismatic stuff.
I volunteered to participate in a "prophetic ministry" session a couple nights ago where 3 people experienced with the gift of prophecy prophecied on me together (they do this in groups of 3 ppl exercising the gift so that there's some sort of group accountability and that if two or more ppl feel consensus from the Holy Spirit, there's a higher chance of avoiding error).
I was very surprised. In a good way. I've never been prophecied on. These guys were telling me what the Holy Spirit was telling them in a supernatural way! I just met them 5 minutes beforehand without any previous conversation, just sat in silence in front of these 3, and they started saying stuff that's been deeply etched in my heart for the past while! This stuff I hardly tell anyone (not due to fear, but b/c no one asks). It's crazy! They were saying stuff like "I feel that X and Y is true about you." and they were right! It was also beyond any vague unfalsifiable descriptions. They kept on hitting dead on like they were on fire like Kobe or something. It was a little surreal at first. I had so many "HOW THE HECK DID YOU KNOW THAT ABOUT ME?" I even started laughing (out of my heart's disbelief of how prophetic they were). Hopefully they didn't find it rude, I mean I wasn't laughing at them, I was just laughing at the fact that they were just so dead on. I wasn't afraid of any dangerous heresy or anything, for everything they said was in accord with biblical principles (I felt). I also had some pretty astonishing/surprising prophecy about my future and stuff. Sort of intimidating and exciting if its going to come true.
All this to say, I feel like ever since I started to play this game, in general, I feel like I just entered an RPG where I'm aprt of a storyline that is already planned ahead of time, where events follow an intended pre-meditated plan by a storywriter, and I'm just in for the ride. This is exciting. The past few weeks have especially been the case as I reflect on the recent order of events that have fallen on my lap, with various serendipitous random "helpings" from friends who "just so happened" to help things unfold in a pattern (the pattern I experienced lately has been strengthening the second point of the triangle [spiritual formation] as well as being introduced to the third in a charismatic community [lifespring]).
The crazy part too is that when I went to the 1040 event featuring Jaeson Ma a few nights ago, all that city-wide revival for Toronto stuff I felt that God had independently put on my heart while I seemed all alone in East Asia. I mean, this was during the past two years before I was exposed to any of this Toronto city-wide revival stuff. And yet, I felt a growing passion to be a part of a movement that brings city-wide revival to Toronto, without anyone by my side to dream this God-given dream with. Then all of a sudden, the 1040 event comes. Wow.
This is like an RPG, but only better. For in RPG, one's experience is at most vicarious. But this is real life. It's realness is so real.
I don't even need to play RPGs anymore to get the effect. I just need to play the Game with Minutes. It as the added bonus of being intertwined with all my daily activities so I don't have to shirk any God-given responsibility. It's also free.
Game on!
It is weird. Yet not that weird, since we see a "divine conspiracy" going on in the book of Acts. That is, for the Jesus-follower (by that I mean someone who has practically made it their #1 goal in life to become an apprentice of Jesus) the miraculous should be normative.
Frank Laubach, when he played this game, he noticed that God was "melting away obstacles" and making the road before him ever so smooth.
I am experiencing something similar. It feels something analogous to Magneto from X-men walking on a metal path, having pieces of metal fly a few feet right in front of his feet to continually extend his path as he walks.
As I trace how God has specifically "engineered" this path of mine in the past two years, especially the past two months, I can't help but to feel that although the odds seem stacked against the soldiers of Christ, the deck of cards is rigged, so that when Christ the dealer deals the cards, it seems almost obvious that there is order and a design/plan in the midst of seeming chaos, just like a piece of jazz music which is a piece of harmonious chaos. It seems that someone has "monkeyed" with how things unfolded. Something, or Someone is behind the scenes invisibly manipulating things in front of the curtain.
I am reading a book called "Kingdom Triangle" by J.P. Moreland now. In it, his main thesis is that the early church miraculously expanded (against all odds) through 3 main reasons on the part of the responsibility of Christians. They follow as:
1) They had a thoughtful Christian mind that defended legitimate knowledge of God (and not just "blind faith") and they articulated this stuff (what we'd call "Christian worldview" nowadays) to non-Christians in a respectful yet persuasive manner.
2) They engaged in spiritual formation to Christlikeness to actually produce no-nonsense Christlikeness through die-hard discipleship.
3) They acted out of expectation for the miraculous supernatural acts of the Holy Spirit (stuff in line with the stuff we see in Acts).
J.P. Moreland says that all over the world right now, Christianity is growing at rapid/unprecedented rates. Unfortunately, North America seems to be an exception to this trend. He believes that the Church of Jesus needs to revive all 3 points of the "Kingdom Triangle" to bring out revival to the Church in North America. I find myself strongly agreeing with Moreland on this one (let alone a lot of other things. I really respect this guy).
One of the ways that I feel God has arranged things to help equip me to help bring out city-wide revival to Toronto is to be equipped in multiple facets of the Christian life and to be balanced in growth. Balanced growth in multiple dimensions of Christlikeness is a big thing for me now. I don't want to neglect any significant aspect of Christlikeness in my walk with God.
So, with respect to the Kingdom Triangle, I feel that in all my 5 years of undergrad in Toronto, I really focused on establishing a solid Christian worldview and was equipped in defending it against secularism/atheism. However, I wasn't really that hot on spiritual formation. Come these past two years on East Asia STINT. I REALLY grew a ton in spiritual formation. I still have a lot to learn, but I feel that I have steady ground for my feet to advance on.
As for the 3rd point of the triangle, I feel that I am relatively weak with respect to Charismatic gifts and powers of the Holy Spirit. This is partially due to me being a Baptist where this stuff is hardly ever practiced. I don't fully blame the denomination. I mean there are some grounds to be cautious on the abuses of Charismatic gifts as well as distortions of weird theology on it. However, I think it is wrong for people like myself to think just because it has been misused and abused, that it can't bring out significant advances for the Kingdom if used properly. Afterall, if one just reads 1 Corinthians 14, one cannot deny that Paul was very "charismatic" without any apology. I hear things about how the charismatic/pentecostal denominations helped bring about some revivals in the 20th century. I can sort of see why. These guys have passion. They have fuel. They got zeal. The body of Christ needs its adrenaline (with balanced proportion).
Come the last few weeks. Within the last few weeks, I have started to attend this charismatic church called lifesprings. Their theology seems pretty sound, I haven't head any heresy or anything, and Andrew Tam recommended it, and I trust Andrew. I have really started to get exposed to this charismatic stuff.
I volunteered to participate in a "prophetic ministry" session a couple nights ago where 3 people experienced with the gift of prophecy prophecied on me together (they do this in groups of 3 ppl exercising the gift so that there's some sort of group accountability and that if two or more ppl feel consensus from the Holy Spirit, there's a higher chance of avoiding error).
I was very surprised. In a good way. I've never been prophecied on. These guys were telling me what the Holy Spirit was telling them in a supernatural way! I just met them 5 minutes beforehand without any previous conversation, just sat in silence in front of these 3, and they started saying stuff that's been deeply etched in my heart for the past while! This stuff I hardly tell anyone (not due to fear, but b/c no one asks). It's crazy! They were saying stuff like "I feel that X and Y is true about you." and they were right! It was also beyond any vague unfalsifiable descriptions. They kept on hitting dead on like they were on fire like Kobe or something. It was a little surreal at first. I had so many "HOW THE HECK DID YOU KNOW THAT ABOUT ME?" I even started laughing (out of my heart's disbelief of how prophetic they were). Hopefully they didn't find it rude, I mean I wasn't laughing at them, I was just laughing at the fact that they were just so dead on. I wasn't afraid of any dangerous heresy or anything, for everything they said was in accord with biblical principles (I felt). I also had some pretty astonishing/surprising prophecy about my future and stuff. Sort of intimidating and exciting if its going to come true.
All this to say, I feel like ever since I started to play this game, in general, I feel like I just entered an RPG where I'm aprt of a storyline that is already planned ahead of time, where events follow an intended pre-meditated plan by a storywriter, and I'm just in for the ride. This is exciting. The past few weeks have especially been the case as I reflect on the recent order of events that have fallen on my lap, with various serendipitous random "helpings" from friends who "just so happened" to help things unfold in a pattern (the pattern I experienced lately has been strengthening the second point of the triangle [spiritual formation] as well as being introduced to the third in a charismatic community [lifespring]).
The crazy part too is that when I went to the 1040 event featuring Jaeson Ma a few nights ago, all that city-wide revival for Toronto stuff I felt that God had independently put on my heart while I seemed all alone in East Asia. I mean, this was during the past two years before I was exposed to any of this Toronto city-wide revival stuff. And yet, I felt a growing passion to be a part of a movement that brings city-wide revival to Toronto, without anyone by my side to dream this God-given dream with. Then all of a sudden, the 1040 event comes. Wow.
This is like an RPG, but only better. For in RPG, one's experience is at most vicarious. But this is real life. It's realness is so real.
I don't even need to play RPGs anymore to get the effect. I just need to play the Game with Minutes. It as the added bonus of being intertwined with all my daily activities so I don't have to shirk any God-given responsibility. It's also free.
Game on!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Christian spirit possession
Okay, this entry may seem kind of controversial, but whatever, I'll just write it.
I think I am learning more and more how to experience the opposite/flip side of "demon posession". That is, Christian spirit possession, namely allowing the Holy Spirit to possess our Spirit, or "consciousness" so that the "consciousness" of Jesus takes over our consciousness.
Here is the theological and philosophical basis first. I think that if someone can get demon possessed and have the conscious mind of an evil spirit take over/take control of him, then this just shows that the human spirit/consciousness can be totally taken over by another conscious/spiritual mind. The question is whether or not it is taken over by something evil, dark, and against God, or by something (or in the Christian sense someone) good, holy, and for God. Hence the Holy Spirit.
It is a little like a someone taking over the driving seat in a car, and making you, the original driver, strapped/buckled/locked down in the passenger seat where you are no longer in control of where the car goes. In demon possession, sometimes it is involuntary, the demon just hijacks the car, locks you down in the passenger seat, and drives away crazily like a maniac and you can't control him. Or sometimes it is voluntary when someone willingly invites in demonic spirits to take over. Either way, the driver is an evil, dark, demonic being.
In Christian spiritual possession however, Jesus, through means of the Holy Spirit in us, gently takes over the wheel and drives peacefully in his direction and guidance, and will. Since Jesus respects our freedom/free will, he will not forcefully take over the driver's seat and hijack the car unlike demons. He will only take over if we willingly and freely move over to the passenger seat, and remain there. To remain there is hard, because usually after a few seconds, we naturally just drift back in the driver's seat, and Jesus being the respectful and loving God that he is, will not force himself to take over our being.
The scriptural support of this is Colossians 1:27, as well as Galatians 2:20. I am highly influenced by Frank Laubach in his experiential interpretation/application of these scriptural truths. That means there should be mini-labels all over our bodies, including our hands, feet, eyes, neck, chest etc that say "Property of Jesus" and that they all belong to him. Furthermore, anything that we experience, Jesus experiences at the same time. More specifically, anything that we feel with our 5 senses, Jesus feels it at exactly the same time, moment, and capacity that we experience it in. So each time we walk in the perfume section of a department store and smell the cologne, Jesus smells exactly the same phenomena, each time we put on shoes, Jesus feels the exact same sensations on our feet, each time we shake someone else's hands, Jesus feels exactly the same physiological input on our hands that we do. The same goes with all the emotional, social, spiritual experiences that we have. He is always in the "same car" as us. The question is only whether he's driving it at the moment or not.
I think I am learning in this journey of practicing God's presence how to allow myself to be "spiritually possessed" by the conscious spirit of Jesus' mind. It is hard to explain, but in good moments where God infuses extra doses of grace in my life, it feels as if Jesus himself, the person who died on the cross for me, who made the heavens and the earth, who sustains every molecule/atom in the universe with his powerful word is occupying the "driver's seat of my consciousness". It's as if he's actually controlling my being, and I'm just sitting right beside him, joyfully consenting to him taking over. Of course this is the exception rather than the norm, for the two times that it has happened it took about 30 minutes in total quiet solitude for every inch and fiber of every level of my being to be surrendered to him and to move over in the passenger's seat. It is only then that Jesus takes over the driver's seat of my being just like how a demon takes over and possesses a poor human soul. The thing though, since Jesus is so kind to respect my free will and only take over if I completely and utterly surrender myself to him, usually when I come out of solitude and back to the "real world" I am just bombarded by too much stimuli and distractions that I just end up getting distracted and subconsciously but quickly gravitate towards the driver's seat again and put Jesus in the passenger seat. It takes about 30 minutes to put him fully back on, but only about 30 seconds to kick him off and go about things my own way again.
But during the moments it does last, however, there is a sense of indescribable joy and peace that takes over the atmosphere of my soul. It is different, not only in quantity, but in kind, than earthly joy and peace. I wish that I could maintain this state forever, however, I am too sinful! I need more and more of God's grace to do so! Hopefully by his grace I improve more and more each day! Why do I not willingly give myself to this type of communion with God more frequently if it is the most blissful, satisfying, meaningful state my human self can experience? The answer is a mystery. The answer is sin. Sin is a mystery. In this case, only a mysterious cure can cure this mysterious disease. Oh Jesus, save me from this body of death!
I think I am learning more and more how to experience the opposite/flip side of "demon posession". That is, Christian spirit possession, namely allowing the Holy Spirit to possess our Spirit, or "consciousness" so that the "consciousness" of Jesus takes over our consciousness.
Here is the theological and philosophical basis first. I think that if someone can get demon possessed and have the conscious mind of an evil spirit take over/take control of him, then this just shows that the human spirit/consciousness can be totally taken over by another conscious/spiritual mind. The question is whether or not it is taken over by something evil, dark, and against God, or by something (or in the Christian sense someone) good, holy, and for God. Hence the Holy Spirit.
It is a little like a someone taking over the driving seat in a car, and making you, the original driver, strapped/buckled/locked down in the passenger seat where you are no longer in control of where the car goes. In demon possession, sometimes it is involuntary, the demon just hijacks the car, locks you down in the passenger seat, and drives away crazily like a maniac and you can't control him. Or sometimes it is voluntary when someone willingly invites in demonic spirits to take over. Either way, the driver is an evil, dark, demonic being.
In Christian spiritual possession however, Jesus, through means of the Holy Spirit in us, gently takes over the wheel and drives peacefully in his direction and guidance, and will. Since Jesus respects our freedom/free will, he will not forcefully take over the driver's seat and hijack the car unlike demons. He will only take over if we willingly and freely move over to the passenger seat, and remain there. To remain there is hard, because usually after a few seconds, we naturally just drift back in the driver's seat, and Jesus being the respectful and loving God that he is, will not force himself to take over our being.
The scriptural support of this is Colossians 1:27, as well as Galatians 2:20. I am highly influenced by Frank Laubach in his experiential interpretation/application of these scriptural truths. That means there should be mini-labels all over our bodies, including our hands, feet, eyes, neck, chest etc that say "Property of Jesus" and that they all belong to him. Furthermore, anything that we experience, Jesus experiences at the same time. More specifically, anything that we feel with our 5 senses, Jesus feels it at exactly the same time, moment, and capacity that we experience it in. So each time we walk in the perfume section of a department store and smell the cologne, Jesus smells exactly the same phenomena, each time we put on shoes, Jesus feels the exact same sensations on our feet, each time we shake someone else's hands, Jesus feels exactly the same physiological input on our hands that we do. The same goes with all the emotional, social, spiritual experiences that we have. He is always in the "same car" as us. The question is only whether he's driving it at the moment or not.
I think I am learning in this journey of practicing God's presence how to allow myself to be "spiritually possessed" by the conscious spirit of Jesus' mind. It is hard to explain, but in good moments where God infuses extra doses of grace in my life, it feels as if Jesus himself, the person who died on the cross for me, who made the heavens and the earth, who sustains every molecule/atom in the universe with his powerful word is occupying the "driver's seat of my consciousness". It's as if he's actually controlling my being, and I'm just sitting right beside him, joyfully consenting to him taking over. Of course this is the exception rather than the norm, for the two times that it has happened it took about 30 minutes in total quiet solitude for every inch and fiber of every level of my being to be surrendered to him and to move over in the passenger's seat. It is only then that Jesus takes over the driver's seat of my being just like how a demon takes over and possesses a poor human soul. The thing though, since Jesus is so kind to respect my free will and only take over if I completely and utterly surrender myself to him, usually when I come out of solitude and back to the "real world" I am just bombarded by too much stimuli and distractions that I just end up getting distracted and subconsciously but quickly gravitate towards the driver's seat again and put Jesus in the passenger seat. It takes about 30 minutes to put him fully back on, but only about 30 seconds to kick him off and go about things my own way again.
But during the moments it does last, however, there is a sense of indescribable joy and peace that takes over the atmosphere of my soul. It is different, not only in quantity, but in kind, than earthly joy and peace. I wish that I could maintain this state forever, however, I am too sinful! I need more and more of God's grace to do so! Hopefully by his grace I improve more and more each day! Why do I not willingly give myself to this type of communion with God more frequently if it is the most blissful, satisfying, meaningful state my human self can experience? The answer is a mystery. The answer is sin. Sin is a mystery. In this case, only a mysterious cure can cure this mysterious disease. Oh Jesus, save me from this body of death!
Sunday, October 3, 2010
found a way to win every minute while listening to a sermon!
As I attended Grace Toronto Church's evening service tonight, I wanted to try to keep God on my mind in second person at least every minute. Especially listening to the Pastor preach his sermon.
I didn't want to do it "mechanically" or "legalistically" without any life in the process of attempting it though, so I sought the Holy Spirit to lead me in a certain way to do it, according to His specific "flow" or "rhythm" of the moment (which I am coming more and more to believe that differs every moment for each individual Christian).
As the pastor just started to preach, I went about at attempting this vigorous yet "strenuously satisfying" pursuit.
As the first minute passed, some ideas were coming into my head. Whether or not they were DIRECTLY from the Holy Spirit or indirect suggestions mingled with my archives of Game with Minutes strategies I am not sure. Regardless, the suggestion was this:
"since I am commanded by God:
1) to be thankful in all situations, continually thanking God for everything (Philippians 4:6, Ephesians 5:20, Colossians 3:17, 1 Thessalonians 5:18)
as well as
2)to "pray without ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17) aka keep in constant communion with Him
why not try to combine these two commandments which God wants us to do continually?
So here I am, with the first minute into the sermon, trying this wacky idea of trying to practically apply these two commandments simultaneously while the preacher is expounding his points from Ephesians 1:1-6. In my mind, a more specific idea of concretely applying these two commandments throughout the whole sermon popped in my head. Try to thank God for everything the Pastor mentions. Every few seconds try it. No matter what the pastor mentions, just try to keep thanking God in second-person communication for anything my mind can think of that the pastor says.
The results were astonishing! I think by God's grace I was on a roll! When the pastor mentioned stuff like "Paul's letters", I'd say in my mind to God "thanks that you gave us Paul's letters". When he mentioned "Peter" (the apostle), I'd say to God right away "thanks for Peter". When he mentioned "growing up in a democratic culture", I'd immediately thank God for democracy right after. When he mentioned american football, I'd quickly thank God for sports the second after. When he mentioned an analogy about winning the lottery, I thanked God for money afterwards. When he mentioned the "educated class in developed countries", I thanked God for post-secondary education. And of course whenever he mentioned Jesus and/or what Jesus did on the cross for our sins, I'd express to God my grattitude for my salvation. Since Dan McDonald is a Cross-centered preacher, I found myself thanking God for salvation several times throughout the sermon. And when the pastor was silent for a few seconds, I tried to thank God for whatever came to my mind, which included thanking God that the pastor had fingers, that he had glasses, that he had hair, that he had a wife and has a marriage. Haha. It helped!
Here's the cool part. By God's grace, it worked!!! The strategy flew! I was able to simultaneously digest over 90% of the content of the sermon (except for one part when he talked about a story of a football star, I got lost on some parts while trying to thank God every few seconds) while thanking God silently in my mind for whatever I thought of during the whole 30 minutes of the sermon! I think I can truly say to myself that I won the Game with Minutes EVERY minute of the sermon! The cool thing is, I not only communed with God at least once every minute, I think it was once every few seconds too! I think the most that I stopped was for 5 seconds! With this strategy and the grace of God's empowerment over months and months of training, I kept God on my mind every 3-4 seconds during this sermon! Praise God for both the open/creative idea, the grace to carry it out, as well as the exhilaration that accompanied the experience!
Nearing the end of the sermon though, I started to feel that this strategy was starting to become a ritual, and that after the sermon, if I still continued, it might have started to get ritualistic. So I persevered until the sermon was over, thanked God (one last time haha), and was willing to "close" this mini-chapter/leading of the Spirit which had a certain rhythm of gratitude for these sacred 30 minutes.
I know it's probably not God's will for me to use the exact same means for every single moment, for he is a God of variety, spontaneity, and freshness that is ever creative, adventurous, novel, and keeps us surprised every turn around the corner. I don't want any method of keeping in communion with him every minute to become mechanized/ritualized. But I want every one to be natural, receiving the fresh signals from the Holy Spirit, fresher than the news on the morning paper. If every "method" that the Spirit has given me can be metaphorically represented as a key on a piano, I want to put each of these keys on the piano scale of my mind, and play each one appropriately when the time is called for while paying attention to the composition of holy spiritual music of the Father's will.
HALLELUJIAH!
I didn't want to do it "mechanically" or "legalistically" without any life in the process of attempting it though, so I sought the Holy Spirit to lead me in a certain way to do it, according to His specific "flow" or "rhythm" of the moment (which I am coming more and more to believe that differs every moment for each individual Christian).
As the pastor just started to preach, I went about at attempting this vigorous yet "strenuously satisfying" pursuit.
As the first minute passed, some ideas were coming into my head. Whether or not they were DIRECTLY from the Holy Spirit or indirect suggestions mingled with my archives of Game with Minutes strategies I am not sure. Regardless, the suggestion was this:
"since I am commanded by God:
1) to be thankful in all situations, continually thanking God for everything (Philippians 4:6, Ephesians 5:20, Colossians 3:17, 1 Thessalonians 5:18)
as well as
2)to "pray without ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17) aka keep in constant communion with Him
why not try to combine these two commandments which God wants us to do continually?
So here I am, with the first minute into the sermon, trying this wacky idea of trying to practically apply these two commandments simultaneously while the preacher is expounding his points from Ephesians 1:1-6. In my mind, a more specific idea of concretely applying these two commandments throughout the whole sermon popped in my head. Try to thank God for everything the Pastor mentions. Every few seconds try it. No matter what the pastor mentions, just try to keep thanking God in second-person communication for anything my mind can think of that the pastor says.
The results were astonishing! I think by God's grace I was on a roll! When the pastor mentioned stuff like "Paul's letters", I'd say in my mind to God "thanks that you gave us Paul's letters". When he mentioned "Peter" (the apostle), I'd say to God right away "thanks for Peter". When he mentioned "growing up in a democratic culture", I'd immediately thank God for democracy right after. When he mentioned american football, I'd quickly thank God for sports the second after. When he mentioned an analogy about winning the lottery, I thanked God for money afterwards. When he mentioned the "educated class in developed countries", I thanked God for post-secondary education. And of course whenever he mentioned Jesus and/or what Jesus did on the cross for our sins, I'd express to God my grattitude for my salvation. Since Dan McDonald is a Cross-centered preacher, I found myself thanking God for salvation several times throughout the sermon. And when the pastor was silent for a few seconds, I tried to thank God for whatever came to my mind, which included thanking God that the pastor had fingers, that he had glasses, that he had hair, that he had a wife and has a marriage. Haha. It helped!
Here's the cool part. By God's grace, it worked!!! The strategy flew! I was able to simultaneously digest over 90% of the content of the sermon (except for one part when he talked about a story of a football star, I got lost on some parts while trying to thank God every few seconds) while thanking God silently in my mind for whatever I thought of during the whole 30 minutes of the sermon! I think I can truly say to myself that I won the Game with Minutes EVERY minute of the sermon! The cool thing is, I not only communed with God at least once every minute, I think it was once every few seconds too! I think the most that I stopped was for 5 seconds! With this strategy and the grace of God's empowerment over months and months of training, I kept God on my mind every 3-4 seconds during this sermon! Praise God for both the open/creative idea, the grace to carry it out, as well as the exhilaration that accompanied the experience!
Nearing the end of the sermon though, I started to feel that this strategy was starting to become a ritual, and that after the sermon, if I still continued, it might have started to get ritualistic. So I persevered until the sermon was over, thanked God (one last time haha), and was willing to "close" this mini-chapter/leading of the Spirit which had a certain rhythm of gratitude for these sacred 30 minutes.
I know it's probably not God's will for me to use the exact same means for every single moment, for he is a God of variety, spontaneity, and freshness that is ever creative, adventurous, novel, and keeps us surprised every turn around the corner. I don't want any method of keeping in communion with him every minute to become mechanized/ritualized. But I want every one to be natural, receiving the fresh signals from the Holy Spirit, fresher than the news on the morning paper. If every "method" that the Spirit has given me can be metaphorically represented as a key on a piano, I want to put each of these keys on the piano scale of my mind, and play each one appropriately when the time is called for while paying attention to the composition of holy spiritual music of the Father's will.
HALLELUJIAH!
Friday, September 17, 2010
God feeling "objectively" closer in a spiritual sense
The past couple weeks or so have been really rich with God, in practising and cultivating his presence in my life. It has not been full of spiritual ecstacy or indescribable holy euphoria, (although there were short moments were that arguably seemed the case). It has, instead, been different.
After all this hard work of trying to keep an existential awareness of God throughout every moment of my life since March 2009, I sense another breakthrough.
God just simply feels "closer". Now this feels like a different type of "closeness" than what people (or at least myself) normally mean when they say "I feel close to God". I am not talking about having intense emotional experiences where one feels intensely intimate with God, whether through corporate ecstatic worship (i.e. Hillsong concerts), or crazy/supernatural phenomena happening in my personal devo. This type of "closeness" I have been experiencing lately is not closeness in terms of the depth of intimacy two friends experience when having many warm encounters within a set time period, and how one feels emotionally "closer" to another friend. The type of closeness I'm talking about feels somewhat akin to closeness in "physical proximity", just like how someone can stand apart from you in a room at different distances. For example, the "emotional closeness" between a couple could be very emotionally intimate, but if they are both in a big room, their physical proximity from each other can vary at different times during a time period, let's say at a social gathering or party. On a certain night, the "emotional closeness" could remain the same, while the "physical proximity closeness" could differ throughout the night (e.g. when both are going around, doing different things, talking to different people, going to the washroom etc.)
It is this latter type of "closeness" that I am beginning to feel with God. In a spiritual sense, he is feeling more and more closer in "spiritual proximity" as opposed to "emotional intimacy". It is weird. It feels as if a new continuum/guage of the former just recently formed itself in my spiritual consciousness that has previously never existed (or at least I was never previously aware of it) before. Although sometimes I don't have intense spiritually euphoric moments with God in the latter guage/continuum, with respect to the former, I still feel he is more closer in "spiritual distnace rather than emotional distance. It is just like how me and my human best friend can feel different distances in physical proximity at a party even though at different moments I feel different levels of friendship intimacy with him.
It is starting to get to the point where if I guage whether or not I was in the presence of God or not during a certain time (i.e. 9am-10am), I would guage whether or not we were both present in the same place, rather than guage whether or not we had mutually strong emotional experiences during that time period (of 9am-10am). Just like how if you were to ask me if I met with my dentist and was in my dentist's presence this morning, I would either say "yes, I went to his clinic and saw him, and we interacted with each other" but I wouldn't say "yes, I had an intense emotional experience full of intimacy with him." I either experienced him in his presence or I didn't. Just like that.
When the Bible talks about different chracters (i.e. David, Paul, John etc.) exhorting others to "come near to God" or "pursue and run towards God" or "come close to him", perhaps they sometimes are talking about "objective spiritual distance" between God in addition to emotional distance with God. Just perhaps. I am not an expert on exegesis/hermeneutics so I am not sure. All I know is that I am starting to detect a difference in kind/quality in my spiritual intuition with God lately.
After all this hard work of trying to keep an existential awareness of God throughout every moment of my life since March 2009, I sense another breakthrough.
God just simply feels "closer". Now this feels like a different type of "closeness" than what people (or at least myself) normally mean when they say "I feel close to God". I am not talking about having intense emotional experiences where one feels intensely intimate with God, whether through corporate ecstatic worship (i.e. Hillsong concerts), or crazy/supernatural phenomena happening in my personal devo. This type of "closeness" I have been experiencing lately is not closeness in terms of the depth of intimacy two friends experience when having many warm encounters within a set time period, and how one feels emotionally "closer" to another friend. The type of closeness I'm talking about feels somewhat akin to closeness in "physical proximity", just like how someone can stand apart from you in a room at different distances. For example, the "emotional closeness" between a couple could be very emotionally intimate, but if they are both in a big room, their physical proximity from each other can vary at different times during a time period, let's say at a social gathering or party. On a certain night, the "emotional closeness" could remain the same, while the "physical proximity closeness" could differ throughout the night (e.g. when both are going around, doing different things, talking to different people, going to the washroom etc.)
It is this latter type of "closeness" that I am beginning to feel with God. In a spiritual sense, he is feeling more and more closer in "spiritual proximity" as opposed to "emotional intimacy". It is weird. It feels as if a new continuum/guage of the former just recently formed itself in my spiritual consciousness that has previously never existed (or at least I was never previously aware of it) before. Although sometimes I don't have intense spiritually euphoric moments with God in the latter guage/continuum, with respect to the former, I still feel he is more closer in "spiritual distnace rather than emotional distance. It is just like how me and my human best friend can feel different distances in physical proximity at a party even though at different moments I feel different levels of friendship intimacy with him.
It is starting to get to the point where if I guage whether or not I was in the presence of God or not during a certain time (i.e. 9am-10am), I would guage whether or not we were both present in the same place, rather than guage whether or not we had mutually strong emotional experiences during that time period (of 9am-10am). Just like how if you were to ask me if I met with my dentist and was in my dentist's presence this morning, I would either say "yes, I went to his clinic and saw him, and we interacted with each other" but I wouldn't say "yes, I had an intense emotional experience full of intimacy with him." I either experienced him in his presence or I didn't. Just like that.
When the Bible talks about different chracters (i.e. David, Paul, John etc.) exhorting others to "come near to God" or "pursue and run towards God" or "come close to him", perhaps they sometimes are talking about "objective spiritual distance" between God in addition to emotional distance with God. Just perhaps. I am not an expert on exegesis/hermeneutics so I am not sure. All I know is that I am starting to detect a difference in kind/quality in my spiritual intuition with God lately.
Monday, September 6, 2010
another breakthrough
last night, when my soul was desperate for renewal, weary at the very depths of my being, starving for spiritual nourishment, I spent some solitude with God. I told him my worries, my inadequacies, my inner struggles, and just what was on my heart. That was really relieving, more than I had anticipated.
Then I asked Jesus to reveal to me how to become the type of person that didn't worry, idolize, and get bogged down by the things that were worrying me, bogging me down, and things that I were idolizing.
At that moment, I remembered what I read the day before from Madame Guyon's classic "Experiencing the depths of Jesus Christ". She gave some very helpful hints to achieve experiential union with Christ.
"But in coming to the Lord by means of "praying the Scripture, you do not read quickly; you read very slowly. You do not move from one passage to another, not until you have sensed the very heart of what you have read."
I then applied some of that to the passages of not worrying from Matthew 6.
With the premise of Christ being and actually living "in me", I tried to apply M Guyon's further advice:
"Now, waiting before Him, turn all your attention toward your spirit. Do not allow your mind to wander. If your mind begins tow ander, just turn your attention back again to the inward parts of your being... (The Lord is found only within your spirit, in the recesses of your being, in the Holy of Holies; this is where He dwells... The Lord will meet you in your spirit. It was St. Augustine who once said that he had lost much time in the beginning of his Christian experience by trying to find the Lord outwardly rather than by turning inwardly.)"
Once your heart has been turned inwardly to the Lord, you will have an impression of His presence. You will be able to notice His presence more acutely because your outer senses have now become very calm and quiet. Your attention is no longer on outward things or on the surface thoughts of your mind..."
and about the mind wandering when we try to practice the presence of God, she offers this wonderful and very helpful advice:
"When your mind has wandered, don't try to deal with it by changing what you are thinking. You see, if you pay attention to what you are thinking, you will only irritate your mind and stir it up more. Instead, withdraw from your mind! Keep turning within to the Lord's presence. By doing this you will win the war with your wandering mind and yet never directly engage in the battle!"
I tried to intently apply this advice. And low and behold, something very mystical and unexpected happened!
After a few minutes, as I was "centering down" it felt as if the consciousness of Jesus himself just entered in my consciousness. It was like a holy/divine version of a demon posession. It felt that way because I felt another being's consciousness take presence in my being (well, it was more like I acknowledged it all of a sudden). I was surprised at first and didn't know what to think. I believe that that person was Jesus himself. He didn't present himself by force, but very gently, and I liked it. I felt like i could "turn this off" at any moment, but I didn't want to. In fact, I kept on saying to the Lord "LORD! Please, in your mercy allow me to experience this state of my awareness 'being in you' last forever! I don't ever want it to go away!".
There was a cool characteristic of this. Usually, when I try to rigorously practice the presence of God, I feel like most of the time, I have to consciously force myself to refresh the presence of God in my mind every few seconds or so (it has become more natural and gradually more "semi-automatic" along the way, though far from perfect). Much like refreshing the page of a website every few seconds, because in my experience, after a few seconds of consciously thinking of God, he's gone! But this time, it was different! It seemed effortless! I didn't have to (at least in a very strenuous way) really "refresh" it every few seconds, and it seems as if God, for a moment just took over and rested in my conscious awareness with hardly any effort to maintain it on my part! I knew this had to be from God because this experience was so off the charts of what I was normally capable of that it couldn't have been from my own efforts. It was that of another league.
And, as I am understanding now, Jesus cannot live, act, or experience anything without the other two members of the Trinity experiencing it as well. I am learning that to be in the presence of Jesus is also to be in the presence of the other members of the Trinity as well. So with this in mind, I felt as if Jesus was sort of "showing me" how to experience life with a "behind the scenes inner interaction with God the Father and the Holy Spirit" while encountering the trials, difficulties, unexpected curveballs of everyday life. This latter part is very hard to explain, but I felt it occur. I will try to sum up what I felt experientially.
1. Jesus does everything, and that means EVERYTHING, as an act of obedience to what he sees the Father do and command (John 5:19). This involves every moment knowing what to do, and being empowered to do it.
2. Jesus is empowered to both know the will of God through divine guidance by the Holy Spirit, as well as carry out the will of God through the divine power of the Holy Spirit.
3. This is to be done through the different faculties of my thoughts, feelings, will, physical body, and social life, because Jesus loved God through all these various fundamental dimensions of his being. (The Great Commandment loving God with all your heart, mind, soul, strength, and other stuff about other dimensions of our being recorded in other parts of the Bible)
4. Since I am to imitate Jesus and to be conformed completely into his image and likeness, I am to learn #1, #2, and #3.
How Jesus showed me how to do this experientially in my first-person consciousness. Once again, it is extremely hard to explain, but I felt myself going through a wordless "spiritual tutorial" in my mind as of how to carry this out.
Wow. What a divine moment.
I recall what St. Teresa of Avila said when she said experiencing the divine assistance of God's grace through the first level of a result of a combination of our grace-and-effort pursuit to "train ourselves to be godly" (1 Timothy 4:7), and then a second level, where eventually it just gets completely taken over by God's providence and grace where the product is a result of an abundance of grace just completely overshadows any result of human training and effort.
The difference is illustrated through an analogy she gave. The first level is illustrated through a bucket being filled through lots of aqueducts being built and supported to pour and direct water into the bucket. The aqueducts represent God-honouring self-discipline. This is the first level. Then the second level is to have a source of abundant water just flowing and gushing out of the bottom of the bucket itself, completely independent of any outside/external sources directing water into it. This is the second level of experiencing God's active/abundant grace.
I think last night, in the realm of practicing God's presence and experiencing the depths of Jesus, God, in his completely undeserved grace, allowed me to experience the second level.
Then I asked Jesus to reveal to me how to become the type of person that didn't worry, idolize, and get bogged down by the things that were worrying me, bogging me down, and things that I were idolizing.
At that moment, I remembered what I read the day before from Madame Guyon's classic "Experiencing the depths of Jesus Christ". She gave some very helpful hints to achieve experiential union with Christ.
"But in coming to the Lord by means of "praying the Scripture, you do not read quickly; you read very slowly. You do not move from one passage to another, not until you have sensed the very heart of what you have read."
I then applied some of that to the passages of not worrying from Matthew 6.
With the premise of Christ being and actually living "in me", I tried to apply M Guyon's further advice:
"Now, waiting before Him, turn all your attention toward your spirit. Do not allow your mind to wander. If your mind begins tow ander, just turn your attention back again to the inward parts of your being... (The Lord is found only within your spirit, in the recesses of your being, in the Holy of Holies; this is where He dwells... The Lord will meet you in your spirit. It was St. Augustine who once said that he had lost much time in the beginning of his Christian experience by trying to find the Lord outwardly rather than by turning inwardly.)"
Once your heart has been turned inwardly to the Lord, you will have an impression of His presence. You will be able to notice His presence more acutely because your outer senses have now become very calm and quiet. Your attention is no longer on outward things or on the surface thoughts of your mind..."
and about the mind wandering when we try to practice the presence of God, she offers this wonderful and very helpful advice:
"When your mind has wandered, don't try to deal with it by changing what you are thinking. You see, if you pay attention to what you are thinking, you will only irritate your mind and stir it up more. Instead, withdraw from your mind! Keep turning within to the Lord's presence. By doing this you will win the war with your wandering mind and yet never directly engage in the battle!"
I tried to intently apply this advice. And low and behold, something very mystical and unexpected happened!
After a few minutes, as I was "centering down" it felt as if the consciousness of Jesus himself just entered in my consciousness. It was like a holy/divine version of a demon posession. It felt that way because I felt another being's consciousness take presence in my being (well, it was more like I acknowledged it all of a sudden). I was surprised at first and didn't know what to think. I believe that that person was Jesus himself. He didn't present himself by force, but very gently, and I liked it. I felt like i could "turn this off" at any moment, but I didn't want to. In fact, I kept on saying to the Lord "LORD! Please, in your mercy allow me to experience this state of my awareness 'being in you' last forever! I don't ever want it to go away!".
There was a cool characteristic of this. Usually, when I try to rigorously practice the presence of God, I feel like most of the time, I have to consciously force myself to refresh the presence of God in my mind every few seconds or so (it has become more natural and gradually more "semi-automatic" along the way, though far from perfect). Much like refreshing the page of a website every few seconds, because in my experience, after a few seconds of consciously thinking of God, he's gone! But this time, it was different! It seemed effortless! I didn't have to (at least in a very strenuous way) really "refresh" it every few seconds, and it seems as if God, for a moment just took over and rested in my conscious awareness with hardly any effort to maintain it on my part! I knew this had to be from God because this experience was so off the charts of what I was normally capable of that it couldn't have been from my own efforts. It was that of another league.
And, as I am understanding now, Jesus cannot live, act, or experience anything without the other two members of the Trinity experiencing it as well. I am learning that to be in the presence of Jesus is also to be in the presence of the other members of the Trinity as well. So with this in mind, I felt as if Jesus was sort of "showing me" how to experience life with a "behind the scenes inner interaction with God the Father and the Holy Spirit" while encountering the trials, difficulties, unexpected curveballs of everyday life. This latter part is very hard to explain, but I felt it occur. I will try to sum up what I felt experientially.
1. Jesus does everything, and that means EVERYTHING, as an act of obedience to what he sees the Father do and command (John 5:19). This involves every moment knowing what to do, and being empowered to do it.
2. Jesus is empowered to both know the will of God through divine guidance by the Holy Spirit, as well as carry out the will of God through the divine power of the Holy Spirit.
3. This is to be done through the different faculties of my thoughts, feelings, will, physical body, and social life, because Jesus loved God through all these various fundamental dimensions of his being. (The Great Commandment loving God with all your heart, mind, soul, strength, and other stuff about other dimensions of our being recorded in other parts of the Bible)
4. Since I am to imitate Jesus and to be conformed completely into his image and likeness, I am to learn #1, #2, and #3.
How Jesus showed me how to do this experientially in my first-person consciousness. Once again, it is extremely hard to explain, but I felt myself going through a wordless "spiritual tutorial" in my mind as of how to carry this out.
Wow. What a divine moment.
I recall what St. Teresa of Avila said when she said experiencing the divine assistance of God's grace through the first level of a result of a combination of our grace-and-effort pursuit to "train ourselves to be godly" (1 Timothy 4:7), and then a second level, where eventually it just gets completely taken over by God's providence and grace where the product is a result of an abundance of grace just completely overshadows any result of human training and effort.
The difference is illustrated through an analogy she gave. The first level is illustrated through a bucket being filled through lots of aqueducts being built and supported to pour and direct water into the bucket. The aqueducts represent God-honouring self-discipline. This is the first level. Then the second level is to have a source of abundant water just flowing and gushing out of the bottom of the bucket itself, completely independent of any outside/external sources directing water into it. This is the second level of experiencing God's active/abundant grace.
I think last night, in the realm of practicing God's presence and experiencing the depths of Jesus, God, in his completely undeserved grace, allowed me to experience the second level.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
new frontiers of this experiment
Tonight, I had dinner with a few friends of mine. I was surprised at the result of playing this Game during the meal. Surprised, because I am slowly realizing the peace and satisfaction that comes from experiencing the fruits of the initially hard labour of building up this habit of keeping God on my mind throughout the day through everything I do.
As a result of researching methods on how to train myself to pick up this habit, I've been reading about different accounts of people who have mastered this art of practicing God's presence, and reading their thoughts/experiences on it. One of these masters suggested trying to keep God on the "fringes" of our consciousness while attending to very mind-consuming tasks, another talked about trying to keep a thought of God's presence "just below our consciousness". Well, I've been experimenting with this method during times of arduous tasks, and although it seemed a little weird at first, it is starting to become natural.
As well, the frequency of keeping God on my mind has also improved overall. A big reason of this is that my mind (or spirit?) has started to make semi-automatic habits of returning to God. Much like after one learns the (originally weird) grammar structures of a new language and is habitualized to them, they start to become semi-automatic when one speaks. Something analogous has happened to the "grammar of my mind".
What did this result in tonight's dinner? For the first 20 minutes or so (I didn't keep perfect track of how long it lasted), I had success in keeping God in my mind almost every minute while talking to my 3 friends! I remembered to pray for them while talking to them, as well as remember God being present during the conversation! It was awesome! The coolest part of it all, was that these 2 things were semi-automatic during the whole time! The first being keeping God on the "fringes" of my consciousness or just "below" it. The second being my mind exercising it's semi-automatic habit of returning to God by itself without "me telling it to do it". It was an awesome experience. I think I even ventured into the territory of "multitasking" my attention to God and to my friends at the same time! It was awesome! I remember trying to "multitask" doing this about a year and a half ago when I first started. It was like trying to speak fluent Russian in a week. I also thought that multitasking attending to God and others was cognitively impossible. Now, it is starting to become a reality through increased understanding, experimentation, and habituation!
I am getting a taste of 1 John 5:3. God's commands really aren't burdensome. That is, after through grace, discipline, and perseverance, we master them. They are in the beginning, but for the person full of faith, unwavering perseverance, and sacrifice, after a while one realizes that these commands are like grammar rules of a language. They are cumbersome to learn in the beginning, but after a while, becoming more fluent in that language, one realizes the value of those grammar structures and how they actually help one communication, rather than burdening the speakers and listeners of that language. After a while, it would seem strange not to obey the commands, or "rules" of the language, and it would actually take effort NOT to obey them. Just ask any native speaker to make a grammar error in their own language. It actually takes effort for him to consciously come up with a sentence with grammar errors.
It's almost been a year and a half since I started this game. Praise God for His commandments to practice His presence!
As a result of researching methods on how to train myself to pick up this habit, I've been reading about different accounts of people who have mastered this art of practicing God's presence, and reading their thoughts/experiences on it. One of these masters suggested trying to keep God on the "fringes" of our consciousness while attending to very mind-consuming tasks, another talked about trying to keep a thought of God's presence "just below our consciousness". Well, I've been experimenting with this method during times of arduous tasks, and although it seemed a little weird at first, it is starting to become natural.
As well, the frequency of keeping God on my mind has also improved overall. A big reason of this is that my mind (or spirit?) has started to make semi-automatic habits of returning to God. Much like after one learns the (originally weird) grammar structures of a new language and is habitualized to them, they start to become semi-automatic when one speaks. Something analogous has happened to the "grammar of my mind".
What did this result in tonight's dinner? For the first 20 minutes or so (I didn't keep perfect track of how long it lasted), I had success in keeping God in my mind almost every minute while talking to my 3 friends! I remembered to pray for them while talking to them, as well as remember God being present during the conversation! It was awesome! The coolest part of it all, was that these 2 things were semi-automatic during the whole time! The first being keeping God on the "fringes" of my consciousness or just "below" it. The second being my mind exercising it's semi-automatic habit of returning to God by itself without "me telling it to do it". It was an awesome experience. I think I even ventured into the territory of "multitasking" my attention to God and to my friends at the same time! It was awesome! I remember trying to "multitask" doing this about a year and a half ago when I first started. It was like trying to speak fluent Russian in a week. I also thought that multitasking attending to God and others was cognitively impossible. Now, it is starting to become a reality through increased understanding, experimentation, and habituation!
I am getting a taste of 1 John 5:3. God's commands really aren't burdensome. That is, after through grace, discipline, and perseverance, we master them. They are in the beginning, but for the person full of faith, unwavering perseverance, and sacrifice, after a while one realizes that these commands are like grammar rules of a language. They are cumbersome to learn in the beginning, but after a while, becoming more fluent in that language, one realizes the value of those grammar structures and how they actually help one communication, rather than burdening the speakers and listeners of that language. After a while, it would seem strange not to obey the commands, or "rules" of the language, and it would actually take effort NOT to obey them. Just ask any native speaker to make a grammar error in their own language. It actually takes effort for him to consciously come up with a sentence with grammar errors.
It's almost been a year and a half since I started this game. Praise God for His commandments to practice His presence!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
